Monday, August 26, 2013

Just Some Fun

Tombstone Names (for Halloween)
Otta B. Alive
Ted N. Barried
I. L. Beback
Ohn Lee Bones
Chris P Bones
Rusty Bones
Sue D. Bumm
Ray N. Carnation
Imen A. Casket
M. T. Casket
B.A. Corpse
Sue D'Bum
I. M. Dedd
Barry M. Deep
I. Trudy Departed
Bin Dere
Dustin T. Dust
Kerry Emoff
Ima Frade
Izzy Gaune
I. B. Gaune
U.R. Gaune
I. M. A. Gauner
Jess Gough
Justin Graves
Berry D. Hatchet
Lefty B. Hynde
Bill M. Lader
C. U. Later
Herr I. Lay
 
Herr I. Lie
Barry A. Live
G. I. Missue
Yul B. Next
R. U. Next
Yetta Nother
Rust N. Peece
Fester N. Rott
Moe Shonless
Levy Tation
Justin Tyme
Dawn Under
Mummy B. Ware
R. U. Waytin
Y. U. Waytin
Reid N. Weep
 
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A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.

"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."

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A man walks into a Doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asked.

"You're not eating properly," replied the Doctor.

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A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups.

The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.

"What did you do that for?" the man asks.

"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?"

The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"

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A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears.

The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts the previous day's pile of
books down on the desk and again squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

The librarian shakes her head, wondering what the chicken is doing with these books, but eventually finds some more books for the chicken. The chicken disappears.

The next day, the librarian is once again disturbed by the chicken, who squawks (in a rather irritated fashion, it seems), "Book, book, book, BOOK!" By now, the librarian's curiosity has gotten the better of her, so she gets a pile of books for the chicken, and follows the bird when it leaves the library.

She follows it through the parking lot, down the street for several blocks, and finally into a large park. The chicken disappears into a small grove of trees, and the librarian follows. On the other side of the trees is a small marsh. The chicken has stopped on the side of the marsh. The librarian, now really curious, hurries over and sees that there is a small frog next to the chicken, examining each book, one at a time.

The librarian comes within earshot just in time to hear the frog saying, "Read it, read it, read it..."

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